Nope. That’s tomorrow.

Tomorrow’s also the day I have my once-every-six-months teeth cleaning appointment. I remembered that it was on March 1, but I didn’t remember it being at 9 AM. Why would I set up a 9 AM appointment on a work day?? Oh well, I tried to move it but the next opening wasn’t for a month, and the time of day wasn’t much better. Sooo, I’ll just get to work late tomorrow. No big loss; I can easily make up the time.

The big storm they were predicting for tonight has slowly dissipated so instead of 8-12 inches now they’re saying 3-6. I’d rather get nothing at all at this point. I’m tired of cold, and snow, and dark days that don’t provide much incentive for good moods.

I’m a nice guy. Really, I am. I just don’t show it anymore.

Well, I got my new car last night. It was all clean when I picked it up down in Connecticut, but then I drove an hour and 15 minutes home through a snow storm.

So it’s not as clean as it was last night, but I snapped some pictures today anyhow. They’re in my gallery.

So far, I love the car!

But I don’t know why.

The past four nights or so I’ve been waking up multiple times, rolling around a lot, and generally just not sleeping well. Last night I woke up and wondered if it was about time for me to get up, and I’m sure the alarm clock smirked at me when I saw it was only 12:16 AM. I mean, what’s that about?? I woke up a few more times too.

Am I stressed about something that I can’t seem to figure out? Is there something unconciously bothering me?

I’m probably nervous about spending the money tomorrow when I get my new car. That’s gotta be what it is.

We made lite of it at the time, thinking all would be fine. But it wasn’t.

On Thursday morning Moka (Dan and Abby’s dog) chewed open a bottle of Ibuprofen and ate around 8400 MG of it. That’s roughly 42 regular advil pills. We called the vet and he told us to give her some hydrogen peroxide to make her vomit, but she never did. That night she seemed to be doing much better, so we thought we had nothing to worry about.

Well, over the next few days, she pretty much never ate, and anything she drank she would throw up five minutes later. Which made her drink even more because her body wasn’t getting enough fluid. She lost about five pounds since Thursday. Dan called the animal hospital yesterday and they told us it sounded like kidney / liver failure and that she needed to be put down.

So we set up the appointment for yesterday afternoon, sad but knowing we had no choice. It was a very quick process, and Moka didn’t even flinch when she got the shot. Abby and I were holding her still and the vet said she would start to relax. Literally 10 seconds after she got the shot she was totally limp. The vet checked her heart, and she was gone.

We’ll miss her sprinting around the back yard with her ball in her mouth, running and jumping off the porch, jumping so high. Always wanting love. We’ll miss her chasing and getting chased by Gotti, and her soft fur. We’ll miss the sounds of her rolling over and sighing, without a care in the world.

We’ll miss her.

…doesn’t understand, and it never will. and it’s alway simple in movies when things work out and everyone’s happy and somehow being yourself is the only way you should be. but that’s not the case here when things are the way they are and no one can magically make them like they are in the movies. so i just sit knowing *that* but not knowing where things will end up or how, or when, or why. and i’m openminded but it’s oh so hard because i don’t wanna be openminded. others are smiling and writing and thinking and dreaming and i’m doing nothing because as far as i can tell there’s nothing to be done but sit. so time goes by and memories are made with the way that things are. but i’m sitting, i’m stagnant, has time run out? are movies all fake, and the time spent dreaming just a waste? i hope not.

oh, and i filed my tax return tonight. nice. i also bought a car today.

junior year of college was a good one. i had this roommate, and he was cool. after that year he moved upstairs and i got a single, and even though there was just a flight of stairs between us we both went our separate ways. different groups, different memories.

from that year i remember good times and bad times, hard times, secrets.

now two years later and still out of contact i found his blog and read up, caught up, and it makes me smile to see where he is in life. i then read the story of a girl whose smile is genuine even in hard times, because she has a hand to hold.

you’re a good kid, ben. keep making people smile.

Update: Heh. Now I’ve been immortalized too…. ben gastright.

“You always gotta go with the best idea you’ve got. Otherwise you just end up laying around not knowing what to do.”

i sit here overwhelmed, thinking of the past. sunny skies without a cloud in sight, the sun intense and harsh. good days of climbing trees and building tree houses and going camping and hanging out. being able to take a taxi anywhere. days of doing things we shouldn’t do, but smiling all along, making memories. friends so close nothing will ever come between us. miles don’t matter. living together and always doing everything together. hard times. tears shed, some moments i would never want to relive. but memories just the same. too many to write about in this little white box on a computer screen. i sigh, knowing the past is gone forever.

and even more recently memories of my time at taylor. late night talks and hanging out even when sleep was begging. walking around campus when almost no one else was out. being with people just to be with them because time was running out. the days ticking by with no mercy. the closer the friends the harder the goodbyes. starry skies, winter breath, snow coming and going, seasons changing. the wind that was almost always annoying. losing frisbees, and then breaking all the rules to get them back. late-night volleyball. good times with good people and hard times when things didn’t always go as i wanted. hopes, dreams, growing up.

i miss you all.

stubborn i sit because it’s safe. but is this really what i want as my next memory?

most of my regrets are things i didn’t do.

See, I have three “defined” tasks at work that need to get done by April 15.

One, I finished yesterday. Finally.

The second is well on it’s way to completion, and hopefully will be done next week sometime. I’m just diving into the third now. Making sure we understand the requirements, finalizing the design, getting stuff reviewed, and actually coding it.

Apart from work, Abby is getting her wisdom teeth out today. Heh. Been there, done that. Hope the procedure and healing process go well for her.

Let’s see, what else can I talk about? I signed up for blockbuster online about a month ago now, and I’m really liking it. Much cheaper than actually going and renting movies. The turnaround time is really quick - if I put a movie out on the mailbox Tuesday I’ll have the next one on either Thursday or Friday. Because I’m allowed to have three movies out at a time, this means that if I were to watch one every day and put in in the mail the next day, I would still have the other two movies out to watch the following days until another one arrived. So yeah, it becomes a constant flow of movies. I don’t watch movies every day, I just used that to show what I could do!

Abby and I are also watching Band of Brothers right now, and it’s incredible. I can’t even imagine going through what those guys had to go through. I recommend it to anyone wanting a true-to-life depiction of war in those times.

Copied from IMDB:

Band of Brothers follows Easy-company from their training in England, through D-Day, the rest of France (including Bastogne), Holland (including operation Market Garden), Germany and Austria. This story is shown to us in ten different episodes. Every episode starts with the real men from Easy-company telling about their experiences and ends with a short written update of Easy-company. Between beginning and ending of episodes one of the best things I have seen on screen is presented to us.

And now, back to work!

when I’m getting dehydrated because I start to squint. I’m not sure if this is anything that happens to anyone else, but it happens to me. I think it has to do with the fact that my eyes start to dry out, and squinting makes them retain more of their moisture. I could be totally off on that though.

Either way, I need to drink more water.

I’ve always needed to drink more water.